The changing leaves of autumn are very pretty, nowhere more so than in Scranton. This image (figure 1) illustrates the pleasant case of leaves changing such that rainbows of color radiate out from their centers.
I’m very much for that, and the corner of Boulevard Avenue and Morel Street is to be envied for hosting a memorably beautiful tree. You see how with enormous subtlety I imply the omnipresent power lines of Scranton by merely showing a pole: as Edmond Halley said of Newton, “You can tell the lion by his claw.”
But really, Boulevard Avenue? Is that like sailing over the Ocean Sea? And isn’t ‘Avenue’ a come-down for a Boulevard?
I was born and raised on Cantaloupe Street in Van Nuys, then lived for most of my formative years on Del Mar Avenue in San Diego, and later resided on Lincoln Boulevard in Omaha. Until now I took this as evidence that it had been up! all the way for me. Boulevard Avenue calls this Weltanschauung into question, and that won’t do.
Let’s solve two Scranton problems at once. Let’s remove the offending “Ave.” from Boulevard and transfer it over to turn Electric Street into Electric Avenue, as God and Eddie Grant intended. Boulevard can then just be Boulevard. Or, like southern gentlemen in Mame named Beauregard Beauregard Beauregard IV, or (to mix comedy with disaster) even Sirhan Sirhan, we might proffer Boulevard Boulevard. Why not?
Thank you for your attention.